Open Destination

I found the following in an ad on craigslist

We are a web design company in the heart of Chicago. We are a creative company that stresses a fun work environment but we all work hard. We are looking for a writer to work with the clients to create text for their site and to get this accomplished by a particular deadline. You will be communicating directly with the client so you must possess good communication skills. You will be writing content for customers business web site. You will also be required to update blogs for each of our clients using designated words we provide on a daily basis to assist in their search engine rankings. If interested, please rewrite this text:

Custom Web Design
Your website is a direct reflection of how customers view your business. Therefore, our Chicago web design company puts a heavy emphasis on the importance of a professional, creative, clean and simple website. Most visitors who navigate your website are looking for the same thing. That’s why the path your visitors follow while on your website is a critical component that will convert your visitors into clients. When choosing a Chicago web design company it is important to look for these essential qualities in their web design portfolio. If your website can capture these qualities, you will always capture the attention of your visitors.

 

Search Engine Optimization
When Google, Yahoo and MSN index your site they look for key components in your source code to determine how high to rank you. Those key components are best integrated during the initial web development process. If your goals are to increase traffic and convert more leads then optimizing your website for search engines should be a requirement. Our search engine optimization specialists are responsible for multiple page #1 rankings while only practicing ethical optimization techniques or “White Hat” SEO.

 

and send it to me with your resume. I am looking to hire someone middle of next week. The job pays a starting salary of $30,000.00.

So I rewrote it into the following -

Your web site is a direct reflection of what you think of your customers and what you don’t want them to know about what it is like to work for you or how you do business. Therefore you hire a marketing firm, who you can blame for your own ignorance of your potential customers. While the Marketers dumb down your incoherent prattle, for the public and your tech ignorant staff, leading you by the nose to things you could have learned if you knew how to read a book instead of watching the TV, they will train you in the ways of Pavlov’s Dogs to “Click Here.”   When choosing a web design company it is important for you to know how much more they know from their cubical about real world Art and Ascetics and just how difficult and complex it is to give you the design they almost sold to some other poor slob who wouldn’t afford it or appreciate it.   If you want a web site, and you want it to work, you better start paying us now, if you ever want to see customers paying you, because we both know you came to us because you are just not getting it done.   When Google, Yahoo and MSN rip-off your site content to sell their ads you are better off changing your message and purpose to sell more ads for them. In fact why bother even being in your business. Our prefabricated web sites, based on the needs of Google, Yahoo and MSN, are pre-configured to maximize your exposure of Google, Yahoo and MSN ads. A happy search engine finds your site - a happy search engine sells ad views before, during and “coming soon” after clicking on your site.   Remember we are training our customers not just to “Click Here,” but to “click through” to the next click through. We can guarantee that “Click Throughs” are a quantifiable measure of success, if you pay us for the reports we know you don’t know how to read. © 2008 - Paul Stewart-TakeIT2

Yea, I sent it to them to.

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